109 - Collaboration Over Competition: Working With Your Spouse and Not Killing Them! With Juliana Sih

109 - Collaboration Over Competition: Working With Your Spouse and Not Killing Them! With Juliana Sih

November 14th, 2024 - 00:49:08

 

Show Summary:

Join Juliana Sih, licensed therapist and life coach, as she leads this insightful webinar designed for shop owners and their business partners or spouses. As the founder of Crescendo Coaching, Juliana specializes in helping partnerships thrive both in business and in life. With her expertise, she’ll share proven strategies for balancing the dynamics of work and personal life, fostering clear communication, and managing the unique stresses that come with running a business together. Perfect for those looking to strengthen both their business and personal relationships, this session offers valuable tools to help you grow together, not apart.

 

Host(s):

Jimmy Lea, VP of Business Development

 

Guest(s):

Juliana Sih, founder of Crescendo

 

Episode Highlights:

[00:01:00] - Coaching is essential for business owners - just like pro athletes, support is needed to thrive.

[00:03:23] - Couples in the automotive industry face unique challenges that require communication and balance.

[00:07:24] - Identifying your partner’s communication style can prevent misunderstandings and improve connection.

[00:12:01] - Active listening, including eye contact and emotional awareness, is a powerful antidote to conflict.

[00:15:09] - Conflict resolution is about managing emotions, creating mutual wins, and stepping away when needed.

[00:24:22] - Healthy boundaries, like designated business-free zones or asking permission, help protect relationships.

[00:34:16] - Keeping the love alive means investing in small daily gestures, shared goals, and appreciation.

[00:39:45] - Vacationing together offers valuable perspective and strengthens both the relationship and the business.

[00:41:12] - Prioritizing each other, especially in stressful times, contributes to personal and professional success.

[00:42:00] - Juliana offers a free 30-minute coaching session to help couples align in life and business.

 

In every business journey, there are defining moments or challenges that build resilience and milestones that fuel growth. We’d love to hear about yours! What lessons, breakthroughs, or pivotal experiences have shaped your path in the automotive industry?

Share your story with us at info@wearetheinstitute.com, and you might be featured in an upcoming episode.

 

👉 Unlock the full experience - watch the full webinar on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUkM-lFUPCU 

Don’t miss exclusive insights, expert takeaways, and real talk you won’t hear anywhere else. Hit Subscribe, drop a comment, and share it with someone who needs to hear this!

 

Links & Resources: 

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Jimmy Lea: So excited to have you with us, Juliana. Thank you for being here. 

Juliana Sih: Thank you for having me. 

Jimmy Lea: Yes, we have had quite a few discussions in the past talking about shops, talking about business owners, talking about mental health, and this is something that's really big in the automotive industry that doesn't get a lot of attention.

Jimmy Lea: However, I think since COVID happened, there has been a tremendous amount of attention in mental health that it is getting its own finally. What are you seeing in your industry? 

Juliana Sih: I truly believe that as well. I think people are more willing to get the support that they need to succeed. I like to think of A lot of coaching is like a pro athlete.

Juliana Sih: If you want to be a pro athlete, you need a coach, you need a chiropractor, you need a mindset coach, you need a weight trainer. And I think of it similarly, when you're building something bigger, a business and being married together, you're going to need some support. 

Jimmy Lea: Yes. Yes you also need that nutritionist.

Jimmy Lea: You also need that mentalist. You need that person in your corner to make sure you are in the right headspace. Now, not all of us can afford seven coaches or nine coaches to help us in our business, but we can definitely give attention to those that will help turn the needle the most business coaches.

Jimmy Lea: Ergo, the Institute, mental coaches, ergo, crescendo coaching. 

Juliana Sih: Yes. Yes. And that's what we're going to be talking a lot about today is because some of the things that we need to implement into our life to have a better relationship, to have a better working relationship are just very simple things. But sometimes you need someone to remind you and you need that accountability.

Jimmy Lea: Oh, that's so true. The word remember. is so important. We've heard all this before. This is not any new revelation. Shazam. Hello. But remember, and if this is new information for you, make sure you connect with Juliana because she's awesome and she could do a lot of good for you and your business.

Jimmy Lea: But I think we've heard this and it's important for us to remember what we've heard before. And Juliana, thank you for putting a spotlight on this so we can remember. 

Juliana Sih: Yes. I'm so happy to be talking about this. I'm really passionate about this topic. Couples who work together and are married because it's not easy.

Juliana Sih: Okay. Being married is already difficult. Let's just face it right. A few years in the honeymoon period is gone. And how do you keep that flame alive? How do you keep that love alive? I'm going to be talking exactly about that. But the one thing is I also really want to acknowledge. The people that are here today, because I think if you're here, that means you have a growth mindset.

Juliana Sih: You're ready for some change and you're ready to go. And that's what the Institute is all about. 

Jimmy Lea: Yeah, absolutely. We are looking for change and we want to stand out. We want to be the company that stands out to you. We want our shops to be the shop that stands out in their market. By the way, that's our theme for summit.

Jimmy Lea: Those of you going to summit is to stand out. So Juliana, how can we stand out? How can we work together? How can we have that healthy relationship for couples that work together? And that's what we're going to talk about, right? Is couples on this one. We talked about business partners on part one.

Jimmy Lea: Here we are talking about couples that work together. So specifically to the Dave and Jeannie lights, the Dana and Julie. that work together. I'm trying to think of everybody else at Tim and Joanna. 

Juliana Sih: Yeah. 

Jimmy Lea: I mean, there's so many family businesses and that's the automotive industry. We are a family business.

Jimmy Lea: What does that look like? 

Juliana Sih: And I think what sets those people apart is having a balanced approach to their life. Having those healthy boundaries, talking, communicating, because there are a lot of famous people out there like Barack Obama and Michelle, they work together and they haven't killed each other yet.

Juliana Sih: People like Jay Z and Beyonce, they work together and they have to figure it out because. Work can take over everything and people have different work styles and then you have to see them at home You can't just go away so it's really important to Have some strategies some tools some things to work through or some people to support you during those challenging times 

Jimmy Lea: Oh, and I love that you say that support and I got to give a shout out to the Swifties out there Taylor Swift and Kelsey They support each other very well in their very demanding careers.

Juliana Sih: Yes, exactly. So I'm going to dive right in. Let me just make sure I can change my slide. So just a brief briefly about me. So my name is Juliana and I'm the founder of Crescendo, a boutique coaching firm. I've helped hundreds of people gain clarity and take meaningful action towards their goal.

Juliana Sih: My main. And the third thing is helping leaders find happiness, love, and wealth by overcoming personal roadblocks. We all have personal roadblocks that we have to work through and to, in order to be able to overcome our resistance and get to our fullest potential. So today we're going to be talking about kind of three main themes.

Juliana Sih: We're going to be talking about communication boundaries. I'm giving away a little freebie towards the end of the webinar, and then we'll go into any Q& A. I know we're kind of doing Q& A throughout the conversation today, but I'll have a little time to do Q& A slash contact info. So I believe that the bedrock.

Juliana Sih: Of a relationship is communication, right? There are other things that are really important, like respect and empathy and, you know, making sure your values are aligned, but without communication you really don't have much. There's going to be tension. There's going to be frustration. There's going to be anger.

Juliana Sih: And it's not only about the things that we say with our mouth. It's about like the nonverbal cues, our body language. Are you even paying attention to those things? Because those are really important as well. And what I love about communication is this is an area that you can really take control of things.

Juliana Sih: We can control how we communicate with others. We have control. If someone activates us or triggers us, we have control, how we respond to that other person. And. Let me tell you why I'm so passionate about this topic because I was a terrible communicator. So in my early mid twenties, I started dating this hot nerdy scientist and he was Italian.

Juliana Sih: He was a great cook, dressed well. I thought I had hit the jackpot, except there were a few key issues. One, we worked together, but I could, we couldn't tell anyone second we didn't want the same things. And third, I was a terrible communicator. So how did my terrible communication show up? It showed up as I would clam up anytime he wanted to talk about the relationship.

Juliana Sih: And I didn't think it was going to go the way that I wanted, or I thought I might hear something uncomfortable. I'd clam up. I wouldn't ask any questions. I had really poor listening skills because I was always having this mind chatter about how to defend myself. So the reason why I'm so passionate about this topic, not only today, but also with my clients is because I know what it's like to be there, to be a terrible communicator.

Juliana Sih: And I know What a shift you can make now. I'm not with this person anymore. We have ended our relationship. We had a long five years, which probably if I was a better communicator could have lasted probably two years. But I want to share some of the things that I learned along the way and also what I've learned through coaching.

Juliana Sih: So effective communication can start really simply something that I find really important is that our partners are going to have. And it's really important to identify our partner's communication style so that we can a anticipate their reactions. We can close communication gaps and we can respond in a way that resonates with them, right?

Juliana Sih: You probably all know this. Some people are direct. If they're direct, they might be blunt. They might get to the point, right. Versus an indirect person. They might be a little bit more diplomatic. You might need to read between the lines and you can see how there can be miscommunications between a direct and indirect person, right?

Juliana Sih: A direct person might be blunt and the indirect person might take that offensively and all of a sudden they can't communicate because of that. Or an assertive person, you know, an assertive person is direct, honest, straightforward. They might be a little aggressive or they might show a lot of emotion in the way of like anger, a passive person might need to create a little bit more safe space.

Juliana Sih: They might need more time to express. And if the assertive person just tries to fill in the silence for the passive person is just going to shut down. So I think one of the key things that is super simple that you can take on today is just determine your partner's communication style.

Juliana Sih: And I want to note that this is yes, for your partner, for your for your wife, husband, for when you work together, but this is also useful for your employees, for your family members, for your friends. So take A lot of the things that I share here is also for just how you communicate in general. So yeah, try to figure out your your partner's communication style and try to like match them a little bit more, try to change how you communicate.

Juliana Sih: So it resonates with the other person more, see if it makes any. Change. 

Jimmy Lea: Yeah. Julian, I have a question and I love that you're bringing up communication and that you've also talked about being a good listener as well. I've seen a lot of I've seen a lot of what's the right way of saying this?

Jimmy Lea: I've seen a lot of advice that's been given that really focuses in on communication and teaching better people to communicate better, which has resulted in them. Actually being able to fight more viciously. And I think that's dangerous. I think it's important in our good communication to have a lot of listening.

Jimmy Lea: Are you going to go into a lot of listening here and empathy and what you're talking about as well? 

Juliana Sih: Yes. Yes. But let me touch upon that since we're kind of already on that. When we're in a fighting mode. 

Jimmy Lea: Yeah. 

Juliana Sih: We are in our when we're in conflict, we're in a fight or flight mode. That means our amygdala has taken over and it's literally like we're being chased by cheetah and we're trying to survive.

Juliana Sih: And so when we're in that type of conflict and we're fighting, we're not actually listening. We're not trying to resolve and come together. We are just literally trying to. Either win or get away from that person as quickly as possible or flee. We do, you know, fight, or flee are kind of like the three common ways that people do things.

Juliana Sih: And so if your communication style is fight and fight, unfortunately, it's not going to get anywhere. And then you start to erode the respect, you start to erode the empathy and those I know communication is a bedrock, but those are going to also start to collapse the foundation. So I don't believe like if you're angry, I think you need to be able to communicate what caused you to be angry what did they say exactly that caused you to be angry?

Juliana Sih: It's not to blame them because if you blame someone, they're going to go into defense. So it's about communicating what it is. That upset you. So I was hurt by what you said. I was hurt by the using the exact words. That's a way to start to a clarify what upset the person, but be also to dissipate the fight.

Juliana Sih: So I'll be going, I'll be going a little bit more into that. I have a specific section about conflict. 

Jimmy Lea: Oh good. Yeah. I look forward to that one. Yes. Thank you. 

Juliana Sih: So one of the antidotes to conflict, I believe, is active listening. So active listening is very different than listening.

Juliana Sih: Listening is kind of a passive process. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason, except that we forget that there's a yapper in our brain that is constantly chatting all the time that we sometimes don't really know how to shut off. And that's where active listening can come in, but active listening is really a practice.

Juliana Sih: It's kind of like an art. You need to be constantly cultivating it. There is also a science to it, but it's also, it's going to take practice. It's not a plug and play deal. So active listening is intentionally an engaged process where you fully concentrate on the speaker, understand their message, respond thoughtfully, and remember key points.

Juliana Sih: So here are kind of the ingredients to active listening. You need to be able to focus. You need to be present with the other person. You need to be making eye contact, not staring off into the distance. You need to be understanding what they're saying. How often have you talked to someone and you're nodding your head, but you have no idea what they're saying.

Juliana Sih: And you're just kind of going along with it. That is not active listening. You need to be asking clarifying questions or reiterating what they were saying to make sure you're understanding and that you're on the same page. You need to be giving feedback and responding thoughtfully, asking questions if you need clarifications, not just going along with the conversation just to be agreeable or not have to go more in depth.

Juliana Sih: You have to understand the emotion also, because oftentimes when we're talking, we're sharing an emotion and an active listener. Picks up on those cues, whether it's through body language or through, you know, little twitches in the eye, a little smile or a little frown. That's where the empathy comes in, is really putting yourself also in the other people's shoe.

Juliana Sih: And then of course, like I kind of mentioned the nonverbal cues. There is so much that is said in the nonverbal cues and it's really about paying attention to those things. Here are some examples. Of what listening, what is not active listening, right? If you're on your phone and you're talking to someone, yes, you may be able to multitask, but you are not active listening.

Juliana Sih: You are going to not be able to remember certain things that they said. And you're going to forget. And that means you weren't listening. It's not thinking about what to say next. How often are you talking to someone and you're thinking about, Ooh, how do I respond to this? How can I be right? How can I win up this person?

Juliana Sih: I don't agree with them and have a whole narrative around that. That is not active listening. Active listening requires a quiet mind, active. Active list. When you're not listening. You're also getting distracted by the bird outside or by some person that walks by or you're thinking about your to do list your grocery list.

Juliana Sih: So all those things are not active listening. They will not help you. It really requires focus and attention and understanding what they're saying or not saying.

Juliana Sih: So talking about conflict, right? Conflict is happens when there's a difference in opinions. And this is very common when you work together and are married, isn't it? Because not only are there. We all have different ways that we would do the same thing. And sometimes we just can't get over the hump and get on the same page, right?

Juliana Sih: We're like, no, my way's better this, you know, your way's wrong. And you end up in a fight or you end up resigned and frustrated, right? Because you're just. you're not upset that the other person just like bullied over you or something like that. So when, whenever there's conflict, there's some really easy, simple tactics that you can do, right.

Juliana Sih: Create a win for both people. If you create a win both for yourself and for the other person, then there doesn't have to be any competition or any defense like going into defense mode. They we don't have to go into a fight or flight or freeze. So practice creating a win. What that can look like is Let's I'm trying to think of an example of a win in a situation.

Juliana Sih: Let's say I want to go to the bakery on a Saturday morning and my husband wants to go to The ice cream shop so a win would be maybe stopping by both or a win would be you know getting something at the bakery shop that my husband also wants. So this, I know this is like a kind of a petty example, but create a win in any situation, and I guarantee you that there will be less conflict.

Juliana Sih: Another thing is when there's conflict, it is your responsibility as an individual to manage your emotions, right? Mastering your emotions is very, it's challenging. It's not hard, but it's challenging because we have a lot of automatic ways that we are, and they're very subconscious. So, but you have to learn how to manage your emotions.

Juliana Sih: So if you know that in conflict, you get angry or you freeze, you got to start working through that in the moment. You don't want that to have power over you, right? Because then all of a sudden the other person can snap you into a mood that you don't even want to. So learn to manage your emotions through self awareness, through meditative practices, through coaching, through a therapist, through getting those support things to really understand why you're getting triggered for the things you're getting triggered on.

Jimmy Lea: Yeah, you might have to go for a walk around the block a time or two or three or four until you do calm down because that fight or flight, you're just seeing red. Recognize it and say, okay, hold on. I'm taking a page out of Julianna's book here. I need to go for a walk. I need to meditate.

Jimmy Lea: I need to breathe because I don't want to get angry. I don't want to get upset. 

Juliana Sih: Yes. Maybe I need to go for a drive. One I'll share one of my favorite practices when I'm in conflict and I'm angry. I will leave, I'll go for a drive and I'll listen to like a song that I know will activate my anger and I'll just scream in my car.

Juliana Sih: I'll do something that I know is not going to hurt me or hurt the other person. And that can look like, that's how I process the emotion in the moment. 

Juliana Sih: Okay. That works. 

Juliana Sih: Yeah. It really does. It can work with sadness. Also, if you need to process sadness, agree on some next step, some action step, right? If you can kind of move away from the conflict and agree on what's next, that can help dissipate the conflict as well.

Juliana Sih: Active listening is a great way to dissipate conflict as well. Start to listen, reflect back what you hear, make sure you're on the same page. And I think one of the most important things is to be willing to forgive. I'm sorry, I'm having a bit of a 

Jimmy Lea: You're fine. Take a drink or get a cough dropper or something.

Jimmy Lea: Yeah, I agree. Having those next steps already laid out in front of you or agreeing to them ahead of time so that you can talk about next steps, that goes a long way to help the relationship to know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. We just need to keep heading towards the light. That will help a lot.

Juliana Sih: Yeah, one of the things that I created with one of my clients is Whenever they get into a conflict and both of them are activated. We created a practice where One of the people leaves the other person already knows that they're going to leave and they go for a walk around the block or they just take 10 15 minutes to calm down for both of them to calm down.

Juliana Sih: But they already created action for when they're in conflict. And I think this is a really good strategy so that you're not just going to that fight all the time type of thing. But you really have an intentional step like, Hey, if we get into an argument. I am going to step away and I'm going to take 10 minutes.

Juliana Sih: I'll put a timer and I'm going to take a little break, go around the block and we'll come back and resolve this. 

Jimmy Lea: Yeah. Yeah. That's really healthy. That's awesome. 

Juliana Sih: And then I'll talk a little bit more about that in boundaries, but I think the last thing it'll also is be willing to forgive, be willing to forgive both yourself.

Juliana Sih: If you get into a conflict, but also be willing to forgive the other person. I like to use this little rule of like, is this going to matter in five hours, five days? Is it really that important that I need to be holding on and stewing about it for hours and hours? That is an energy zap. That is not going to serve you or the people around you.

Jimmy Lea: Yeah.

Juliana Sih: So here are some next steps because I really want to be tactical and I want to be able to give you something that you can implement right away. So this is a piece of active listening. So go practice this with your partner. Go practice this with a friend, pick someone that you can practice this with.

Juliana Sih: I would say do it with your partner. So practice listening fully to the speaker. Reflect back what you hear, use the words that they say, Oh, so you, I'm hearing that you said you want to go to dinner tonight. Is that, am I hearing that accurately? Ask open ended questions, usually questions that start with what, not yes or no questions like, did you do that?

Juliana Sih: Or is this what you did? Those are yes or no questions. Practice asking open ended questions. And then also validate their feelings. If they're upset, say, Hey I hear you. I hear you're angry. And that can, I mean, we all just want to be heard and seen. And once we can be heard and seen, we can feel safe and we can open up and we can kind of move beyond the conflict.

Juliana Sih: So there's a practice for y'all to try out that you can try immediately. 

Jimmy Lea: Okay. So I have a question for you and maybe a lot of Other people have the same question. Validating their feelings. Help me out with that. Because sometimes I might feel like what they're saying is not...

Juliana Sih: they're overreacting or....

Jimmy Lea: yeah, maybe it's not realistic. But it's That's not the point there, right? Go how can we validate feelings, even though you might disagree with what they're expressing? 

Juliana Sih: Yeah. Validating feelings is really just something small and simple. It starts with just recognizing that they're having their own experience.

Juliana Sih: The other person is having their own experience and that's okay. It's not your responsibility to change how they feel, right? But it might just be a simple validating their feeling is like, Oh, I noticed you're feeling angry about this. Right. Just seeing them. It's part of that empathy as well is just saying and seeing what you hear.

Juliana Sih: So if You bring up a topic and let's say your wife seems kind of like defensive about it. It might just be like, Oh this conversation that I just brought up, I noticed it's bringing up some defensiveness, you know, what's going on, what is it that I said? So it's not about like, Oh, let's go deep into talking about your emotions and why you're feeling this way.

Juliana Sih: It's just about seeing it and having them know that you see it and it's okay. 

Jimmy Lea: Cool. I like it. 

Juliana Sih: Yeah. All right. Let's talk about boundaries because boundaries is such an important topic and a lot of people don't know where to start and healthy boundaries help protect the individual's well being and nurture balance and nurture a balanced supportive relationship.

Juliana Sih: So, you know, I think that people that work together.

Juliana Sih: It's not like you can just leave work and you don't see that person anymore. You have to go home now with them, and you know, creating healthy boundaries is simple, but it takes a lot of practice because your spouse and your partner, they're used to you a certain way. So when you start to say no to things, they might not like that.

Juliana Sih: They might be like, whoa, what's going on? But that's okay. 

Jimmy Lea: Why are you saying no to me? 

Juliana Sih: Yeah. How dare you? Exactly. But that's where communication can come in. Like, Hey honey, I'm, you know, I don't want to hang out with you after work because Hey, I want to go do my exercise class. It's not that I don't want to be with you.

Juliana Sih: It's about, you know, it's about this and this. So healthy boundaries is really about like you. Taking care of you in service of filling your cup so that it spills over into the relationship. So if I just go back to like that example of the hot nerdy scientist, I was dating, we had like, we didn't have good boundaries.

Juliana Sih: We worked together. Couldn't tell anyone. We didn't want the same thing. And that ended up not having any boundaries ended up breaking our relationship because I started to become resentful. Like, so we weren't. We weren't girlfriend, boyfriend, and I, it was less about the title, but to me, it was more about just like, are we going to be monogamous?

Juliana Sih: Are you going to be dating other people? I was scared to talk about that. So I couldn't create that boundary for me. And when we begin to lose our boundary or we keep letting people cross our boundary. And so we become resentful in the process, we become frustrated. We start to close down and we start to not want to connect with the other person because we may feel like they're taking too much from us or they don't respect us.

Juliana Sih: Or, you know, some other narrative like that. So I believe healthy boundaries is really important. And I wanted to give some real life examples of what healthy boundaries could look like for you. Now, these are just some examples. They're not the end all be all, but start learning to say no. And this can be at work also.

Juliana Sih: Let's say your partner is telling you to do something that actually they should be telling their service advisor to be doing. You can say, no, like, Hey, why don't you go communicate? Why don't you go talk to the service advisor? This would be best for them to do. And I think a lot of healthy boundaries when it comes to working together and being married is knowing what roles.

Juliana Sih: You're doing clearly like person, a person B does this, because when it starts to overlap and people step to start to step on each other's toe, people don't like that. Think about that. Even at a regular job, not married and working together, like you don't want someone else to be doing your job and then maybe taking credit or.

Juliana Sih: So make sure when you work when you work together, have clear, very clear job descriptions for each person. Know what each person's doing. It doesn't mean you can't help each other out if you need help, but having those clear descriptions will help people keep them in the right lane and not overlap.

Jimmy Lea: Yeah. I've got some real life examples too. 

Juliana Sih: Ooh, yes, let's hear it. 

Jimmy Lea: So, Dana and Julie, they work together and they would drive home and the agreement was that once we pass over this freeway. We're now home. We're now a married couple. We're not business partners anymore. So they would they, there were times that they would have, they would get to the freeway and say, Okay, wait a second.

Jimmy Lea: This conversation is pretty deep. Do we need to pull over? And they would pull over in the parking lot and finish that conversation. It could be another five minutes, 20 minutes. Half an hour, 45, it could be an hour, it could be two hours, but that's okay. What you're, what they were doing was respecting those boundaries that said, here is the line that says, nope, we're not going to talk past this point about business.

Jimmy Lea: They would still talk as a couple. They would have those conversations as. As you would at home, but I always found that interesting that they would draw that line that this is the road that we stop talking, we stop having these conversations. I think of Chris and Tammy as well. They have a landmark that becomes the business stops here, Mark.

Jimmy Lea: And they don't talk about business until they cross that freeway again, or pass that landmark again, coming back towards the shop. 

Juliana Sih: I think that is a beautiful example. And each person also has to be willing to honor it, right? Pull over if you really need to talk about it. Sometimes it becomes difficult to start these new boundaries because you're so used to the past five, 10 years, you've just been talking about work, home, all the.

Juliana Sih: And now it's time, now maybe it's time to make that change and make that, you know, draw that line in the sand. And create that boundary so that you can get to the next level of your relationship. And it does take discipline. It takes practice. 

Jimmy Lea: It does. And I'll tell you another thing that Dana and Julie would use is asking permission.

Jimmy Lea: So after they cross the freeway and they're, they are at home, cause our brains are constantly going. We're constantly thinking about the business. What can we do? How can we make it better? How can we market it better? How can we increase proficiencies and the effectiveness of the shop? They would ask permission to bring up a business topic.

Jimmy Lea: And there were times where they would say, the partner would say no. I no I can't, or yes, you've got five minutes go, or no can write down your ideas. I want to hear them, but today I'm done. I'm done. I'm mentally exhausted. I'm done. But write it down and we can talk about it tomorrow once we pass the freeway.

Jimmy Lea: Asking permission was a beautiful thing that I really appreciated. And I just had another idea of a time period. It's after six o'clock. We don't talk business because there's, there are people out there in the world today that are working remote and husband and wife are together at home all the time.

Jimmy Lea: They're constantly doing work. But there has to be a time period. And maybe it's a time that says that six o'clock or at seven o'clock or at eight o'clock, that's where business stops. And we, as a couple step in and we can talk about our relationship. 

Juliana Sih: Yeah. Yeah. Those are some really good real life example of healthy boundaries.

Juliana Sih: And I think what's important for couples is to really experiment, right? Like maybe the line in the road is not their thing, but maybe having that permission is what they need. And it's just about experimenting, like start saying no, maybe start hanging out with different friend groups. Right. Because I know when you're married and work together, your friends can all conglomerate and.

Juliana Sih: And you don't have those separate friends group, but really try things out because I like to think of everything is kind of like trial and error, right? The only guarantee thing is like doing the same thing over and over is insanity. So if something is not working or you want something to shift, just try different things.

Juliana Sih: And keep in mind that the first thing you try out might not work. But the next thing you try out, maybe it's a little better. And the next thing might be a little bit better. So try out different healthy boundaries, right? Maybe it's pursue separate passions. I know so many people that one of them is artsy, but they don't have the time, or they feel like they need to hang out their husband, but they don't go pursue that artsy thing.

Juliana Sih: And the other one is like an adventure and they want to go like skydiving or something, go pursue those separate passions. And then when you come together, you'll have something different to talk about. Not about work, not about things at home and then, yeah, have that personal time free of work discussions, that clear boundary where you just say, Hey, actually, I don't want to talk about work at 5am in the morning.

Juliana Sih: I want to talk about work at 9am. Make that clear boundary and make sure you adhere to it. Right. Because, well, I don't want to compare married couples to a child, but you know, when a child, you let them do you, you let them get away with a few things. Well, they know exactly what they can get away with. And we're the same way as adults.

Juliana Sih: We know what we can get away with. So be clear on your boundary and be disciplined enough to uphold the boundary because you will get the results that you want if you uphold to it. 

Jimmy Lea: I love it. I love it. That's why the bovine cows, they always go around the edge of the field because they're always testing that boundary.

Juliana Sih: Yeah. Yeah. 

Jimmy Lea: Interesting. 

Juliana Sih: So here's a practice for you to take on right away discuss one boundary you'd like to set that could improve your relationship and reduce stress. So this is an exercise you can do with your partner in the car, in the shop, wherever you are, just start to discuss one thing that could improve your relationship.

Juliana Sih: And then of course, go take action and implement it because all these things are all valuable information, but it doesn't become wisdom unless you implement and take action on it. 

Jimmy Lea: Okay, well, let's do this, Julianna. You've got suggestions that you're going to go through, and I'm going to encourage everybody to type into the Q& A, type in the Q& A what it is that you are going to implement.

Jimmy Lea: So pick one and try it. So, Juliana, you've got some ideas here. Everybody needs to pick one and type it into the Q& A. It only comes to us. We're the only ones that are going to be able to see it. You'll be confidential. We're not going to shout out your deepest, darkest secrets here, but what is that one thing that you're looking at that you're saying, Oh, you know what?

Jimmy Lea: I'm going to try that. 

Juliana Sih: Yes. Yes. 

Juliana Sih: All right, let's pivot a little bit and talk about how to keep the love alive, keeping the romance alive, how to stay in love, because we're, it's not enough to be together all the time. You already know that you work together, you're at home, you're married. Also, it's not enough to just spend time together.

Juliana Sih: I like to think of keeping the romance alive as a, like a fire, right? What does a fire need? It needs oxygen. It can't be smothered. It needs wood, needs material, new material coming in. If it's raining, it needs to be covered. If not, the fire goes out. And that is very similar to what a relationship is like.

Juliana Sih: I think we take for granted that like, oh, we spend a lot of time together and that's enough, but no, there needs to be a little bit, something more. So it's not an. Oftentimes we think of it as big things, right? Like we're going to go on this big vacation and spend a lot of time together. But I like to think of keeping the romance alive as like the little things.

Juliana Sih: So I'm going to share some really simple things that you can take on right away that can keep the love alive. One of those things is like a simple daily gratitude practice where you share with the other person, just one thing that you appreciate about them. At life and also in work, I think it's easy to, for us to focus in one area.

Juliana Sih: And I think we need to really acknowledge the other person in both areas. And so this can be a simple daily practice. 

Jimmy Lea: So it's one thing in personal and one thing in the professional every day. Do we do this at the beginning of the day, end of the day, after the work day, after dinner, supper? What are you seeing?

Juliana Sih: I think it could be whatever works for the couple. Like, it could be spontaneous, like, you know, you do something at home that was really kind and generous for the family. Thank you for that. It could be like at the end of the day, you sit together and you create a ritual around it. And maybe you sit in bed and you hold each other's hand and look at each other in the eyes and then you say one thing.

Juliana Sih: I think this is really where you get to personalize and figure out what works for you. But just showing appreciation for the other person. I think when we spend a lot of time together with people, we start to take them for granted and we just expect them to be, do all the things that they've always done.

Juliana Sih: And we don't take a moment to actually like thank them for who they are. 

Jimmy Lea: I love that. That's my one. I'm going to type that in the Q and a that's my one. 

Juliana Sih: Nice. 

Jimmy Lea: Daily, one personal, one professional. I love that one. Thank you. 

Juliana Sih: Small gestures, right? It's all about the small things. We're talking about small things.

Juliana Sih: We're not talking about like the big grand vacation that you're going to go on for a month. I'm talking about small things. Holding the door open depends. This is all customizable to you and your spouse. A thoughtful gift. You went out into the world, you found a small shop and you found a small gift for your partner.

Juliana Sih: Go buy it. Saying I love you. I love you. I appreciate you. Thank you for cooking for me. Thank you for doing the PNL for me. Thank you for all the cars that you worked on this month. Thank you for dealing with that difficult tech. So just acknowledging and. Doing little small gestures like that.

Juliana Sih: I know I went in a lot into the gratitude practice, but I feel like these are all just kind of small gestures that I like to think of it as a piggy bank, right? You're just putting coins into a piggy bank and that's the piggy bank of love. And the more coins that you can put into the piggy bank of love, whether it's holding a door, whether it's a thoughtful gift, whether it's saying, I love you.

Juliana Sih: The piggy bank is going to get more and more full. 

Jimmy Lea: Yeah, that's true. And I'm going to go to my go tos unloading the dishwasher, loading the dishwasher, taking out the trash. These are the small things that, that I do to say I love you. 

Juliana Sih: Yeah. Yeah. 

Jimmy Lea: And vacuuming. I love vacuuming, by the way.

Juliana Sih: We're learning a lot about you, Jimmy. We like vacuuming, unloading the dishwasher. I love it. 

Jimmy Lea: Well, I don't necessarily like unloading and loading, but I do like vacuuming. 

Juliana Sih: Yes. 

Juliana Sih: Nice. I think something that's really important is having shared goals and values and not only at work, but also in life having personal projects, right?

Juliana Sih: So one of the pitfalls of that hot nerdy scientist that I was dating is that we did not have a shared vision or goal. A, I was too afraid to articulate my goals, what I wanted. I wanted to be in a Mormon August relationship that was leading to marriage, kids, all the things. And I don't think that's what I, well, I know that's not what he wanted because it didn't, he didn't act that way, but so having a shared vision, right?

Juliana Sih: Making sure that you guys are on the same page about how many shops you want to own or what country you want to visit next or what needs to be done at the house, have personal projects that you both are working on that. you can do together so that you guys are building something together, and it's not only work related.

Juliana Sih: Have personal projects also. 

Jimmy Lea: Nice. One of the items that was given to me as advice when I got married was always have a trip on the books. Something you're looking forward to, and it could be one of those, one big trip a year. So you've got something to look forward to. We discovered we really like cruising.

Jimmy Lea: We really like Disneyland, Disney World. So our next trip that we're doing is a trip to Florida. We're at the summit, but we're also going to extend and go to Universal Studios. 

Juliana Sih: Yeah, I think that's amazing. And a lot of the shop owners that I've worked with love vacationing. And I think that's a great place to also practice letting go and trusting your service advisor, trusting your texts that they've also got it.

Juliana Sih: And then you get an opportunity to figure out like, what are the gaps? While I was gone, what did they call me for? What do I need to improve? So when I leave there. Everything is taken care of, and I can go on my vacation. 

Jimmy Lea: Yeah. 

Juliana Sih: And if you don't think you have the money or time to go, I guarantee that you need to go on that vacation to spend some more time with your loved one, and to be able to get away and get that perspective.

Juliana Sih: Because when you're, like, in the weeds, working, married together in the weeds, it can become daunting. So take that time to, to get out, get that perspective. You're going to learn a lot about the shop, what it needs in the meantime, and also you'll get to feel more connected to your spouse or partner. 

Jimmy Lea: Love it.

Juliana Sih: And I think. One of the last things is just prioritize each other with all the mundane stuff with the housework and the stuff going on at work, it's really easy to just prioritize house work, getting the dishes done, whatever it might be. But always prioritize each other's happiness, even during those stressful times, I think during the stressful times is definitely the most difficult.

Juliana Sih: And that's when you need it the most. That's the example that I was sharing. Like if things are stressful, go on that vacation. Because when you prioritize each other, then you spend time connecting. And when you are connected with your spouse in a deeper, more meaningful way, the business is going to do better.

Juliana Sih: I do not know any business couples that work together where if when their connection was better, like the business got first. So invest time in each other and prioritize each other. 

Jimmy Lea: Something my sister does. She has seven children, by the way, her and her husband take date night and date night is Thursday night.

Jimmy Lea: It's not a weekend, Friday or Saturday that with all the kids, so many different activities that are happening and going on. So, I take a page out of their book that says, I applaud you for having a date night on a Thursday. And it's just a time where she and her husband go out and it's just them time.

Jimmy Lea: Even if all they do is go to dinner and sit in the booth and talk for three hours, it's their date night, Thursday night. 

Juliana Sih: Yes. Pick a day, go on a date your husband and wife as if you're courting them and you'll fall more and more in love with them and keep that flame alive. 

Jimmy Lea: I love it. Yeah.

Jimmy Lea: Date your significant other date. You plus one. 

Juliana Sih: Yes. 

Jimmy Lea: Yeah. That's cool. Yep. 

Juliana Sih: All right. We're starting to wrap up now. If you are ready for a shift, if you want some support, I am giving away a free gift today. I'm giving away a 30 minute one to one coaching session to really help each and every one of you. And you on getting to your next level in your business and in your relationship, because I truly believe that we all get in our own ways and sometimes we can't see it.

Juliana Sih: We got blind spots. So I'm offering everyone here a 30 minute session. Use this QR code, just use your phone. And you'll go directly to my Calendly and you can schedule a call. I'm excited to have one to ones with some of the people here. 

Jimmy Lea: Yes. Everybody needs to do that and you need to do it now.

Jimmy Lea: We'll wait 

Jimmy Lea: a few more minutes. No, go back. They need a few more seconds. Hold on. Or we need that slide, that QR code on the next slide as well. Okay. Did everybody get it? Everybody good? Okay. Okay. Now here we go. 

Juliana Sih: All right. I want to leave you with this quote. A great relationship doesn't happen because the love you had at the beginning, but how well you continue that love until the end, make sure you put some wood in the fire, make sure you cover it from the rain, make sure you nurture it. Cause that's how great relationships last. 

Jimmy Lea: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, take a picture of that. That's Juliana's information. Is that your cell phone? Yeah. Your work phone?

Jimmy Lea: Okay. Everybody needs to connect with Juliana. Thank you. Thank you for the information. Thank you for sharing. This has been such a powerful tool. Mental health is so important. Couples working together is so important. And being in love. Love isn't enough. You've got to do more there. It's a daily activity like you were saying, we're talking about the small gestures, talking about saying thank you.

Jimmy Lea: It's a choice. It's a choice you're going to make if you're going to stay in love or not and continue to build that fire, fuel that fire, fan that fire, because it does take oxygen fuel and shield it, protect it, protect your relationship. Because that's what's most important is the people that are around you.

Juliana Sih: Yeah, and have fun with it too. I remember one of my friends, he also actually works with his wife also, but one for one year, he had a journal and he wrote one thing that he appreciated about his wife every day. And a year from that day, maybe on her birthday, I don't remember the exact event on their anniversary.

Juliana Sih: He gave her this book that had a memory of like all the things he was thankful for throughout the year. So get creative, go have fun. This is like. An opportunity to like, I mean, bring the zest and bring the life into, bring the life force into the relationship through creativity. 

Jimmy Lea: Oh, I love that. And that's 365 different thank yous.

Jimmy Lea: that have happened all throughout the entire year. That is going to be a phenomenal book for somebody to read. 

Juliana Sih: Yeah. 

Jimmy Lea: And they will love it. They will love it. Very cool. Juliana, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for the the information, the discussion. This has been phenomenal. Thank you for being a coach, for listening to people, listening to couples as, and especially thank you for focusing on the automotive industry.

Jimmy Lea: We, we need it. And there's not a lot of people in the automotive industry that are going to stand up and say, Hey, we need this. 

Juliana Sih: Yeah. I'm so honored to be here, Jimmy. I have fun every time with you and the Institute. So thank you for having me. 

Jimmy Lea: Oh, you're very welcome and thank you for being here. And speaking of the Institute and our Candyland coaching map, do you see the map now, Juliana?

Jimmy Lea: Yes. So those of you who are on here, if you aren't getting this type of information from your coaching company, first of all why not? Second of all, we'd love to have you with us at the Institute. There might be a journey that we go on together. Excuse me, it's contagious. We have coaching for shop owners, for managers, for advisors.

Jimmy Lea: We're here to meet you where you are and take you to that next level. So go ahead and scan this QR code. This QR code will Set up an appointment with the Institute and no cost to you. We'll give you a quick business analysis, a quick business assessment of your business and what it looks like, and possibly even some of those areas that we can help you to improve your business and take it to the next level.

Jimmy Lea: My name is Jimmy Lee. Thank you very much. Been great to spend time with you today. My friends, always a pleasure. You guys are awesome. Thank you so much. And Juliana, thank you as well. 

Juliana Sih: Thank you for having me. 

Jimmy Lea: Oh, you're so welcome. Let's connect. This is my email. This is my cell phone number. Let's connect and take your business to the next level.

Jimmy Lea: So you can help take care of your spouse, your family. And guess what? This goes further than that because it is all about building a better business, a better life and a better industry. You are going to help your technicians, your service advisors, their families, their mortgages, their relationships.

Jimmy Lea: Let's take it all up to that next level so that we're helping our industry to be the best it can possibly be. With that, I'm Jimmy Lee. Thank you very much. Talk to you soon.